Blog-Off Challenge #5 Final Friday, issued by Corey Pein: The challenge is, your post must include a warning that it's "NSFW," and actually be work-unsafe. Like all the challenges, this is open to interpretation.

Portland Water Bureau to Maintain Prestigious

Certification with New Safety Citation System

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS THINGS THAT ARE NSFW!!!!!!

The Portland Water Bureau values safety in the workplace (Safety for Work). In fact, last fall, the Water Bureau became SHARP certified, a two-year process which involved identifying and correcting work place hazards, improving health and safety management systems and reducing injury and illness. The Water Bureau was the first City of Portland bureau to receive SHARP certification. Having a safe workplace is imperative to getting our job done - serving water to more than 860,000 customers in Portland and surrounding areas. Without a safe and healthy Water Bureau staff, you might not get your water, and that would really chap you.

Certainly no one can achieve and maintain such prestigious safety recognition without first identifying things that are NSFW. What, dear blogmistress, is NSFW you ask? You might be familiar with this acronym from those e-mail communications you may or may not receive from scandalous friends and family, warning you not to open a naughty email at work. (IE: Subject line - Video of Paris Hilton dancing nude on table at bar - NSFW) In other words, it is Not Safe for Work.

Well, never wanting to seem "old-fashioned" or out-of-touch here at the Water Bureau, we're going to take some of what the kids are saying these days and incorporate it into our work culture. In an effort to maintain our SHARP certification, today we will begin issuing, NSWF citations for the following things:

• Petting or attempting to pet Tabortha
• Forgetting to wear complete PPE (personal protective equipment) on the job site (Bike shorts are NOT PPE, Commissioner Leonard!)
• Skinny dipping in any of the reservoirs, on or off duty
• Referring to Administrator David Shaff's comments, as "squeaks" (This tends to bring out the Tabortha in him)
• Attempting to nab fountain soapers, graffiti artists or metal pilferers on your own. Please contact WB Security should you see any of this action go down.
• Eating newts in the Bull Run watershed
• Annoying "New Security at Bull Run watershed"

NSFW citations will be issued as monetary fines payable to Water Bureau Administrator David Shaff.