Mark Alter, White Man, 2011
we were near the end of an anti-racism class,
where I saw how I as a white person had the privilege
of not having to be angry about daily, painful racism
when the frantic call came from my kid, and
I said I had to leave because she was in a dangerous
situation; actually, both situations are so dangerous
daily or in crisis, deaf to cries for compassion
Something else that I came to understand was that if white people embraced some of the weight of that anger, people of color wouldn't have to be carrying so much of it. This idea was echoed by my daughter, now 17, who said that she had read the same thought in her anti-racism training: racism isn't going to change until whites get angry that it exists.
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Black Woman, 2010
Facilitators created a safe environment and I let my guard down, because I did not feel inhibited. There were good ground rules, which set the tone for rich conversations. The intent of the dialogue was evident. “Space” had to be allowed – and it was. You’ve got to work both angles or this will just be a nice exercise. I learned how to be mindful when I broach the subject of race with “regular” people. People don’t always want to hear how ugly things are. You need to meet people where they are.
People in the group were people like me. They were honest and open. The facilitators had an idea of how people would interact and it worked. I needed to be mindful of being respectful of others. I had to think about what I was saying.
I was uncomfortable at my workplace because of the lack of diversity, but since the dialogue, I now feel more and more comfortable.
I highly recommend this deep dialogue to anyone. There should be an Asian/White/Black dialogue.
At the end of the eight weeks, the group didn’t want to end with just the dialogue. We wanted to do more. Dialogues are like planting seeds. We have to nurture it. We can’t just do eight weeks and leave people hanging. Follow-up is important for every dialogue participant. Action and healing work is needed.
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White Woman, 2010
The dialogue made me feel both the oppressor and the oppressed. On the one hand, as a woman I became more aware of the difficulties sexism cause and I felt more oppressed. It made me feel frustration and hostility to white men because sexism imbued my upbringing. I felt unresolved issues around sexism. On the other hand, as a white person, I became more aware of how easy I had and continue to have things with respect to race. I did not want to engage too much in the conversations as I was reminded of my white privilege. I preferred to listen more but I realized it might be hard for people of color to keep educating white people about racism all the time. I now understand more about institutionalized racism and oppression. I understand better how, we white people choose to ignore individual acts of racism and to make institutional racism invisible to us.
People’s willingness to engage was helpful. People were articulate, they expressed themselves well. I knew some people in the group already and that helped. As a white woman, I had difficulty with the white men because they seem less willing to share their confusion, uncertainty, and to be vulnerable like others in the group. I gained knowledge on just being a better person and a better facilitator.
It was helpful to see that facilitators were not so polished, because they did not play the experts and they remained natural. Their humility made me believe anyone who has the will can learn to do this work to undo racism.
I don’t see or interact with a lot of people of color in everyday life, but now I am more comfortable when I do see or interact with them. Now, I can see them as potential friends, rather than “this person is different.” I can now step out as someone who has ideas and opinions about exclusion and oppression. I am really practicing the skills that I learned. I can now use the word “oppression” when I speak to my friends.
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Mexican-American Man, 2010
The concept of dialogue –different ways of framing things – helped me know how to make an active choice regarding dialogue, discussion, debate. What am I trying to achieve for myself and the other person in the conversation? In order to have compassion, you have to be centered in yourself. I learned to be more sensitive to who in the group can be “pushed back.”
There was support. I trusted the people in the group to be a sounding board for my emotions. At one point everything was “heavy” in my life and then in the dialogue I just “lost it.” It was a great place to be able to do that.
A couple of people didn’t show up, even when they said they would. That was a problem. We should try to get a stronger commitment from people. You need to be there at every meeting to develop trust.
I am more hopeful. It is a reminder that there are people that are actively working on this important issue. I am proud of our group because we are continuing to meet after the eight weeks of dialogue. We were just starting to get to the difficult situations like prejudices. We need to build courage together.
Facilitators were a very good team. They modeled communication and respect. They were very balanced and solid. They knew when to facilitate and when to contribute. You couldn’t tell if they were just moving things along or really interested – that was good. They were good listeners and echoers. They were good at checking in when things got heavy. Acknowledging is powerful!
When things were going wrong in the country, it just helped me to know that I am working on this issue here. My suggestion is to put more public funds for these kinds of techniques. We should create forums around these issues. There is incredible potential to develop models.
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White Woman, 2010
During the dialogue, my feelings changed over time. I started out hesitant and ended up with a larger sense of myself. I felt like I had less experience than the others. It made me hesitant to speak at first. I now feel that there is more that I can do in the world – I am more capable of connection with people in the group. Any discomfort I had came from within. The tools used in the dialogue encouraged awareness about identity. It depends on what we’re talking about – whiteness, citizenship. The tools are geared to identity awareness.
I gained courage – in fact a gift from the facilitators at the end of the dialogue was a stone with the word “courage” etched into it. I am now willing to take on topics of conversation that I might have avoided in the past. I learned about listening and reflecting – retelling what I have heard a person say without actually adding something to it. I learned responses to situations involving race. I am now committed to hiring people of color. I learned ways of expressing myself that I didn’t have before.
The dialogue got easier as I got to know people. I often wanted people of color to like me, but I realized that it didn’t matter if they liked me – they just needed to get the work done. The exercises were useful because they were in small groups where I could more easily connect with individuals. Making connections with a few people at a time was helpful. Before I got to know people I often thought – How honest am I going to be? How much will I let down my guard?
I think white privilege hurts the privileged, too. I want white people to see how racism is hurting them.
I had a deepening awareness of how much pre-judgment happens. I was trying to move and connect on a heart level. The dialogue helped me see the places where I feel burned out. I use the ground rules and group learning guidelines for how I want to have conversations in class. I see an application at school. I am now more encouraged about my own capacity to deal with racial issues. I attended a few Human Rights Films and Dialogues at OHR after the inter-group dialogue. There were great conversations there too!
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Black Man, 2010
The dialogue allowed me to listen to various perspectives. I appreciated learning about the cultures and contextual framework of others in the group. I learned how to listen to what people were saying and not just to use my pre-existing ideas.
It was easy for me to share, perhaps even not challenging enough. The facilitators made everything very comfortable for me. I tried to give pushback to other people of color. This made me bolder with the desire and ability to communicate authentically.
Facilitators provided personal examples. They were involved in the conversations. They shared their challenges and vulnerabilities. The facilitators were challenged at times and they handled it in a diplomatic way. The dialogue enhanced my community engagement tools. It helped me meet new people.
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White Woman, 2010
I liked the intention to balance participants- people of color and white people. It was uncomfortable for me to see white people be the first to talk; to talk about their privilege and people of color had to listen.
The dialogue helped me to connect with other people I did not know before. I learned the skills of being participant as experienced dialogue facilitator trainer. I enjoyed the process but it made me want to do an advanced process, which is to take it to a higher level. I felt safe sharing and expressing my feelings. I realized how much more work I need to do with white people and people of color about race relations and racism issues.
I learned many things from participants. I took the resolution to acknowledge and greet people in the street. My suggestion is to invite people who have not done this type of dialogues before.
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Asian-American Woman, 2010
During the dialogue, I felt discomfort at times but the openness of other participants helped me to share. I liked the break up in small groups, which helped to have deep conversations. I felt more comfortable in caucus groups in which we helped one another. The caucus groups were support groups.
This inter-group dialogue is an opportunity to bring people together to have conversations with other groups to find common grounds and build relationships – allies.
Facilitators formed a great team; they worked together; they were open; they communicated ground rules; the engaged people individually; they participated and shared personal experiences.
It is surprising that many people did not hear about the inter-group dialogue program.
My suggestions are to take the dialogue project to neighborhood associations and to organize full or mini versions of this type of inter-group dialogues for city’s committees.
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White Man, 2010
I call myself "a person of no color" and the topic of white privilege put a barrier for me in understanding who we really were as humans and people. It was hard for me to answer the question “when were you conscious of your race?” The model of dialogue- the big model- helped me exercise more patience about people’s differences. It was helpful to understand better that it’s human nature that you may have differences and problems with people of other cultures or races. We don’t usually know how to communicate with different people and I think we need to learn it through experiences like this inter-group dialogue. The breaking up in small groups was very helpful
I bounced around: sometimes it was ok and other times it was not. I learned to adapt.
I don’t know if I have changed that much. The hard thing to accept as a white man is that I am in a dominant group and that my privilege causes harm to others. There is a need to change the language from accusation to invitation.
This dialogue allowed me to remind myself about the humanness, how connected and similar we are; it reminded me about human nature. I feel more comfortable talking about race issues. If it comes up, I will be more comfortable talking about racism with a person of color. To connect with a person of color, I don’t necessarily need to talk about racism. I will relate to the person as a human being, belonging to this world. I want to be able smile to someone I have never seen before. The group raised my awareness about how people of color are often bumped in lines or ignored in the streets.
I feel sad when I realize that I can slip in and out of situations just because I am white. I remembered when I went to the immigration office (INS) in Portland one day to renew my Green Card. Inside the INS office, everybody knew I was a foreigner (Canada) like the other immigrants of all colors. Once I got out of the INS office, nobody knew I was a foreigner because of my white skin color.
We live in our own worlds and make assumptions about others from the perspectives that dominate our thoughts. We seldom talk to people from other cultures and it takes personal efforts to do it. This type of dialogue gives the opportunity to individuals to break out of their own dominant cultures to reach out to others. The dialogue gave me the opportunity to connect to people.
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White Woman, 2010
Sometimes I didn’t feel comfortable because I didn’t feel solid in my own identity. Still I found powerful commonalities with people. The intervention/non-intervention exercise was good. It helped me think about what privileges I was trying to protect. There is really no non-intervention, just collusion. Intervene or collude – there is no other choice.
There is nothing in particular that I learned about that I didn’t already know, but it just came more to the forefront. I now have a hunger to have real conversation without fear of “abrupting” people to be heard and seen. Racial issues and systemic oppression cost white people – as well as people of color.
After I told the group why it was so hard for me to feel comfortable, I was then more able to share. The word “group” is an illusion. There are just individuals standing around in the same sector that we probably arranged for them.
Facilitators were flexible. They checked in, re-designed, and created a robust model. They weren’t mysterious about who they were.
I would also like to facilitate someday. From my observation, it took five meetings for people to feel totally comfortable (including me). At that point the group was no longer masking. The food was a great idea. Our group plans to continue meeting after the dialogue series for at least six months.
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